What are you afraid of right now?
I wrote this question down with the intention of answering it in my own personal journal tomorrow morning, but as I wandered up to my desk to put this post up I realized that it was much better suited for this entry. I am afraid nearly every day that I will not find something worth posting. Which is absolutely ridiculous because there is always something to share, there is always a great picture to admire, but still every day it feels like an issue.
In my practice I have to be aware of my breath, I have to listen to my body and I have to still my mind. When I use my practice in everyday life I realize that it isn’t fear that has me tied up, it is my impatience. My thoughts become impatient as I search for meaning in the next post I’m about to blog, which makes me reconsider what I’m reading then what I am doing and later has me questioning my “time-wasting.” My breath becomes short, my mind wanders, and I feel afraid. Suddenly, BING! Its back, I realize that consciousness is just a BING away and the words magically pour out, and it gives me value. I stay present in this moment and I come to once again realize that when I do, I am patient.
Divers search in the ocean for pearls; they don’t find them every time. They may have to dive twenty or thirty times in the deep sea to get them–and even then they don’t always succeed. Sometimes they may not find certain pearls for years, although the pearls are there. The diver is doing his duty, but he is not getting a reward. Each of us must likewise make repeated efforts in our own life. Always make an effort. But there should be sincerity in it.
Mantras for the weekend:
*It won’t always be like this
**Choice is the most profound freedom
***Everything is moving at the proper speed